Food and Footage

Back from the dead folks, and from a very concerted effort to diet. I have slowly been growing these extra flanks around my hips for the past year and a half and I wanted to whittle that frame back down to its former college glory. The whole idea solidified in Cologne, during Carnival week, when we were visiting a couple of bachelor opera singer friends of ours who also wanted to change their full physiques. Our one friend Joachim thinks that because I’m from Los Angeles I have oodles of information about dieting and tanning and sex and drugs and celebrities….and around him I sort of do. So we started talking seriously about hopping onto the South Beach wagon and cutting the carbs and the sugar and waking up 3 weeks later to our splendid slimmer selves. I went home and compiled a list of do’s and dont’s, and a list of really good recipes I found on this website: http://kalynskitchen.blogspot.com/

Then I went grocery shopping and bought about 2000 eggs, lowfat cheese, and deli meats. For one faithful week I was truly commited. I drank nothing alcoholic, not a crouton passed my lips, and at night I stuffed smoked turkey in my mouth till I could feel my tongue corroding. But inevitably, the alcohol need crept back in. I remember back in 2006 when I tried this diet, I was much more fond of the wacky weed, which, afterall, is a calorie free way to relax. But this time around the idea of rolling up powerful joints and smoking them on a Monday night just didn’t appeal to me and I forlornly watched the beer in the fridge grow colder and tastier every day. I also had to take into account my Berlin social life which is always alcohol fuelled. I literally don’t know anyone who doesn’t drink, not even pregnant women. The whole bar scene minus beer is really a drag. You remember everyone’s name and what they just said to you and then around 11pm, you stalk the exit and fantasize about watching Lawrence of Arabia in your pajamas while you shove turkey into your mouth. So I started in the second week to drink a little here and there and the effect, after so much detoxification, was like being drunk at prom! I wanted to dance and grope and I was outrageously hyper from only 3 mixed drinks. It was like a new awakening to the pleasure of alchohol. And in retrospect, maybe that is a good enough reason to go on a diet. And I did manage to loose a pound or two. I can even fit into my skinny jeans with a stainless-steel girdle underneath. So girls, here’s to our early 20’s when our metabolism’s worked for us, our breasts were higher, and a diet was just an Adderol fueled weekend.